Crabbage Snatch Open - Clabmas Calors 2007

Crabmas Carols from 2007

Bend over, Crotchet 2-Dec-2007

I sharr squandel you,
Unt six, unt six, ya.
You'le in the middre, foor,
Unt six, unt six, ya.
I now wirr gerr man out
Unt six, unt six, ya.
You wirr have no man out,
Unt six, unt six, ya,
Unt six, unt six, ya,
Unt six, unt six, ya.
Now I lorr unt unt
Unt unt unt unt ya.
Inside tlack.

I see you tly to lun home
Unt six, unt six, ya.
You'le light at doolstep, foor.
Unt six, unt six, ya.
You think you ale home flee
Unt six, unt six, ya.
You'rr rose murtipricity
Unt six, unt six, ya,
Unt six, unt six, ya,
Unt six, unt six, ya!
Now I lorr unt unt.
Unt unt unt unt ya.
Now I ray row.

I wirr lace alound tlack
Unt six, unt six, ya.
It is my rast man out
Unt six, unt six, ya.
Now I wirr scully home.
Unt six, unt six, ya.
And I sharr win the game
Unt six, unt six, ya,
Unt six, unt six, ya.
Unt six, unt six, ya!
What, I lorred out of tuln?
Unt bro bro bro bro bro
Gar to smoke bong.



19-Dec-2007

O Crabbage Snatch, O Crabbage Snatch!
Your trophy is so tainted!
O Crabbage Snatch, O Crabbage Snatch,
Your trophy is so tainted!

Etched on it is Hackett,
And Evan as well
Lodwig is on it twice,
Man, what a smell!

O Crabbage Snatch, O Crabbage Snatch!
Your trophy is so tainted!

-Sour Grapes Music Ltd. (ASCAP)


20-Dec-2007

Twenty-One Years of Crabmas

In the first year of Crabmas, the Snatchers gave to me:

Brundt is not on the trophy.


In the second year of Crabmas, the Snatchers gave to me:

Sopping Uncle Percy, and
Brundt is not on the trophy.


In the third year of Crabmas, the Snatchers gave to me:

Twenty moons the airplane,
Stoyve, Stoyve and Stoyve, and
Brundt is not on the trophy.


In the fourth year of Crabmas, the Snatchers gave to me:

One giant mudshark,
Another Bobby Brown,
Gag Chubby Bunny, and
Brundt is not on the trophy.


In the fifth year of Crabmas, the Snatchers gave to me:

Bambi’s ring of fire,
Bacon burns the barnyard,
A lipped playoff putt,
Ten revving golf carts, and
Brundt is not on the trophy.


In the sixth year of Crabmas, the Snatchers gave to me:

Six Boijk’s a cunt,
Swiss miss piss,
Dukey and the Gummer,
Three cop cars,
Marshall is Evan’s daddy, and
Brundt is not on the trophy.


In the seventh year of Crabmas, the Snatchers gave to me:

Hackett whacks a kneecap,
Seymour drains six bottles,
The fridge farts all night,
Brundt’s kitchen flop,
Three feet of hawk,
Crab scratch fever, and
Brundt is not on the trophy.


In the ninth year of Crabmas, the Snatchers gave to me:

Tapped keg in the van,
Fistee’s up the butt,
Fabio’s perfeck turdcutter,
Yeller shits the van,
Marshall’s car is packed,
Boijky clubs the signal,
Hackett makes a fuss, and
Brundt is not on the trophy.


In the tenth year of Crabmas, the Snatchers gave to me:

The last Forest Meadows,
Dodir’s back from England,
One raging tee shirt,
Hello Sequoia Woods,
Rhag plays with one eye closed,
Says wake me next hole,
Sinks a sixty footer,
Wins the tournament, and
Brundt is not on the trophy.


In the twelfth year of Crabmas, the Snatchers gave to me:

Meadowmont golf
CHP at the pro shop
Greeted with red eyes
Sark stacked a stop sign
It’s a hit and run
Wanna go for a ride?
Bambi in a fez
Sark’s shower cap
Smoked filled kitchen for the pig, and
Brundt is not on the trophy.


In the twentieth year of Crabmas, ths Snatchers gave to me;

Cabbage Patch a-snowing
No Shit a-skidding
Slackett’s music missing
Bobby squid frying
How’ bout a nice cup
Of shut the fuck up
No fucking shirts
Brundt was dick
Bypassed Rhagee
Fucked it all up, and
Brundt is not on the trophy.


In the twenty-first year of Crabmas, the Snatchers gave to me:

Six categories
Answer with a question
Marshall Trebek
No Shit a-hacking
Brundtess a-honking
Rhagee a-tinkling
Mudshark a-pppppppffpppting
Fu-u-uck Phir
Lord out of tuln
Bald Hackloafer
Chance’s Peckerwhacker, and

BRUNDT IS NOT ON THE TROPHY!



22-Dec-2007

Sing this to Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer...then go fuck off.

Stop sign got run over by a Mudshark
Driving to the cabin one Snatch eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Kharma,
But as for me and Evan, we believe.

He'd been smellin' too much Benner,
And he begged him not to fart.
But the window wouldn't open,
And then asphyxiation soon would start.

He'd been pounding Bambi's colon,
Cramming air into his bowels,
Butt the stuff he sent in with it,
Was the same stuff you could find in Benner's jowls.

Stop sign got run over by a Mudshark,
Driving to the cabin one Snatch eve.
You can say there's no such thing as AAA,
But the fat guy in the tanktop, he believes.

He said it was his sugar level,
That ran him up that grassy bank,
But the Snatchers all know better,
His brain was numbed by Bambi's stank.

Then the call came from the trooper,
And the Feds were searching, too,
We thought they both had gone a missing,
Or stopped somehere to enjoy each others' spew.

Stop sign got run over by a Mudshark,
Driving to the cabin one Snatch eve.
You can say there's no such thing as manhunts,
But as for us and Betsy, we believe.

So they made it to the cabin,
And they told us their own side.
With doily hats and a new rental,
And then they said, "Who wants to go for a ride?"

Then the cops drove to the cabin,
And asked, "Which perp did all that harm?"
We said, "There he his now go and get him!"
He rectumfied it with the law's long arm.

Stop sign got run over by a Mudshark,
Driving to the cabin one Snatch eve.
You can say there's no such thing as fucktards,
But as all us Snatchers, we believe.



23-Dec-2007

(Sung to Silent Night)

Silent fart, deadly fart
Benner's cheeks, spread apart
Out comes radioactive gas
Nowhere on Earth is there a smellier ass
Best get out of the way---ay
When one comes wafting your way



26-Dec-2007

Sing this to “Santa Claus is Cumming to Town” then spread your cheeks….

You better move over,
Look up at the sky
You better take cover,
I’m telling you why
The Cummondoor is ready to blow.

He’s starting to list,
He’s starting to horch
It’s not a good time to stand on the porch.
The Cummondoor is ready to blow.

He’s been eating kind of heavy
He’s been drinking lots of wine
If you don’t wanna coat of burgundy beef,
You’re running out of time….

Oh, you better move over…..



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